Why Can't I Just Have One Drink? Understanding the All-or-Nothing Struggle with Alcohol

Have you ever told yourself, “Just one glass tonight” only to find yourself several drinks in, wondering how it happened again?

You’re not alone.This question “Why can’t I just have one drink?” is one of the most common, confusing, and shame-inducing struggles for women in the gray area of drinking. It can feel like you should be able to drink like other people. But no matter how many promises you make to yourself, moderation seems just out of reach.

The Myth of “Normal” Drinking

We’re often sold the idea that drinking in moderation is the “healthy” or “normal” way to enjoy alcohol. But here’s the truth: not everyone’s brain or body responds to alcohol the same way. And if you’re someone who finds it hard to stop after one, it’s not because you’re weak or broken. It’s because alcohol is designed to hijack your brain.

Alcohol works on the reward system flooding your brain with dopamine, making you feel relaxed, connected, and at ease. But after that first drink, your brain starts craving more of that effect. One glass turns into two, then three, and suddenly your plans for a quiet evening look very different.

This isn’t about willpower. It' biology.

The All-or-Nothing Pattern

If you’ve been in the cycle of trying to cut back, only to “fall off the wagon” and go all in again, you’re likely stuck in the all-or-nothing loop. You might swing between two extremes:

• White-knuckling it and not drinking at all (but secretly feeling deprived or anxious),

• and “What the hell” drinking, where you go all in because the moderation experiment failed again.

This pattern isn’t just exhausting it chips away at your self-trust. You start questioning your ability to control anything, which creates even more shame. And shame is fuel for the next drink.

You’re Not the Problem. Alcohol Is.

Here’s something you need to hear: If moderation doesn’t work for you, that’s not a failure. It's just information. And it might be the invitation you’ve been needing—to step into something more empowering than control or chaos.

When you remove alcohol from the equation altogether, you also remove the internal war. The counting. The negotiating. The guilt. The overthinking.

What Freedom Looks Like

You don’t have to live stuck in the all-or-nothing cycle. You can break free not by trying harder to moderate, but by choosing a different path altogether.

A path that brings clarity instead of confusion. A path where you can trust yourself again. A path where peace replaces the noise in your mind.

I’ve been where you are. I know how heavy it feels. And I also know what’s possible when you finally stop trying to force moderation and start exploring what a life without the blur of alcohol could look like.

You don’t have to figure it out alone.

💬 Ready to explore what that path could look like?

Let’s talk. You can book a free discovery here and take one brave step toward reconnecting with the version of you that doesn’t need alcohol to feel whole.

I believe in you,

Ashley