My Story Part 1

Hello, friend! I'm Ashley Tvardzik. Welcome to my little corner of the internet where I'll be sharing with you tips and exclusive guides on how to ditch alcohol and start living your best life. Whether you're sober curious, have been drinking for a decade or just want to see what this sober lifestyle is all about,

I believe you're here for a reason and I'm so glad you're here! :)

I thought I'd start out by sharing with you my complicated story with alcohol so that you can get to know me more. This will also make more sense as to how I became an alcohol-free life coach. Buckle up. It's a wild ride baby!

I grew up in a loving happy home with parents who never really drank when I was growing up. Maybe they'd have a beer with crabs in the summer (yes, we're from Maryland). I was first introduced to drinking when I was 15 years old. It was a Tuesday night at our high school rival basketball game. I was in the back seat of someone's car passing around a handle of Captain Morgan Rum with a friend. I remember it tasting horrible but I drink it down fast like everyone else to fit in. By the time I got out of the car I was unable to walk so I was carried into the game. Everyone left me when we got inside the game and I was alone incredibly intoxicated and confused. I found myself throwing up behind the bleachers. A friends Mom drove me home and as I crawled into our house, I could see the fear and confusion on my dad's face. He called 911 and I was escorted to the hospital by a police car since I was underage.

At the hospital they gave me a breathalyzer and I blew a .23 which was almost four times the legal limit. This was the first time I ever blacked out. I was given an IV because I was extremely dehydrated and was later told that because there was so much alcohol in my system that I would either be charged with it on my record, or I could go to Alcohol Anonymous meetings and write reports on stories that I heard.

I chose to go to AA meetings for a few weeks. I heard stories and wrote them down. My record was clear. I wish I could tell you that this was the end of my story with alcohol but really it's just beginning...

After that incident, I continued drinking but tried anything but Captain Morgan. I did experience more blackouts but nothing as bad as the first time. My drinking really escalated when I went to college.

I went to a small private college close to home because my parents didn't trust me going away somewhere far. It wasn't really a party school but I discovered where the parties were. I was a collegiate athlete and played field hockey and lacrosse. Our practices were intense sometimes having two practices a day plus games on the weekend.

My field hockey friends were my core group and we would go out to parties weekly and definitely on the weekends. This is when I picked up binge drinking. We would take several shots or do power hour (a shot of beer every minute) before even going out to a party. Most of the time I wouldn't even make it out of our dorm room. I would already be blacked out and have thrown up on the couch or on the floor (gross, I know!).

I thought alcohol made me fun and the life of the party! It made me more confident to talk to people I didn't know. It made me carefree to do whatever I wanted and to justify all my poor decisions like hooking up with random guys. But deep down inside I always knew alcohol wasn't right for me. I was never proud of the version of me that came out while drinking. I almost always regretted my decisions, what I did or said, or how I couldn't even remember the night because I was so drunk. I always had this feeling but would ignore it.

In college I met my future husband. We met at a Bible study. This was the point in my life where I was trying to change and not drink anymore. I'm sure you can imagine where this story goes. We got married in June 2012 right after I graduated college. During our relationship, my drinking habits of getting super drunk and blacking out continued. On our honeymoon we went to an all-inclusive resorts so of course I drank unlimited drinks. I got blacked out and we got into huge fights. Can you start to see this ugly cycle with me and drinking?

My husband is the most incredible human I've ever met. We've been married for 11 years which is crazy to say especially after getting married at 21 years old and going through some incredibly hard times together. In September of 2007 we welcomed our first baby into the world! During my pregnancy, was the first time I had been sober in my adult life. I was 25 years old. As our baby started to sleep more and was sleeping through the night, I thought it was ok to start drinking again. Nothing as crazy as it used to be but I started having a few glasses of wine on the weekends.

I would drink more when we had a kid-free weekend. In November of 2009 we had our second baby. This was the second time I was sober as an adult. Once again, as our baby got a little older and was sleeping better I would feel comfortable drinking again.

Over the years it was easy to start drinking again because the kids were sleeping through the night and became more independent. We were the only ones within our friend and family group that had kids so when we would have kid free weekends, we drank a lot. My binge drinking and blackouts would always come back to find me. It was a pattern of drinking I was exposed to a lot in college and thought it was "normal" because everyone else was doing it. Blacking out were such ugly moments for me. I treated my husband horribly and wouldn't remember what I said or did and honestly didn't want to know. I would throw up. I was an absolute disaster when I would black out.

In August of 2022 our family went on a private catamaran yacht trip with unlimited booze. After this trip, I was worried my marriage was in danger and that I would loose everything. Go to "My Story. Part 2." to see what happens next.